What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
