Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My legs feel like baby dolphins
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
