i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Drunk is not a location!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize