Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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