i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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