if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
