i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
