Porn is love you can see.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
