i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
