If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
