i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize