My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
