you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
