dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
