I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
