How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
