3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
