38 yer olds are good kisserssss
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
