I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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