Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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