After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
