A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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