You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
