literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
