Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
