Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
