I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
