I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
then he tried to convert me to islam
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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