Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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