Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize