I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
