I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
