dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
