i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
