I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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