this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
