He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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