speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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