I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
