you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
