how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
