opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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