do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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