You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
