if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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