Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
