there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
