My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
