Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
