Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
