Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
