listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
