remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
