In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize