I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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