i permit you to call me
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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