Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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