goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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