TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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