So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
