Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
