stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize