Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize