Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
