Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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