she smelled like a LAN party
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
