I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
