Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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