My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
