Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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