There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
