He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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